If you're reading this thank you for being here. My name is Tia Devereux, I am a second year here at CU Boulder. Arriving at college can be a scary and challenging new experience for many people. Finding your identity in a place where you don’t really know anyone can be difficult. For me, everything I did in high school and grade school made college seem like it was my ultimate endpoint. While saying goodbye to friends and family and bidding farewell to my home, I didn’t stop to think about how isolating and unfamiliar this new environment and lifestyle could be. Arriving at college I was excited to meet new people and learn to be independent. Many of the things I did and people I met throughout my first year on campus were very exciting. But the challenges I faced were vastly different from anything I experienced while in the comfort of my own home.
Personally I identify as a mixed race individual, as I am half asian and half white. Growing up in Hawai’i there was a very heavy presence of multiculturalism. I grew up in a predominantly asian community, where the minority of races were white people. Though, embedded in that community and culture there was no tolerance or presence of racism. The night before my parents boarded their flight after dropping me off at college my mom sat me down and spoke to me about how I may feel alienated or maybe even feelings of racism as a result of being asian. I told my mom that I didn’t agree with her, and honestly I was quite disrespectful- negating the fact that she herself had experienced these feelings while being in places (like Boulder) that are predominantly white. I can’t say that I have experienced racism while here in Boulder, though I must account for the fact that I am white passing. I think even without conscious recognition of that fact, I often subconsciously recall my white features that may cause people to treat me differently than they would if I presented as more asian.
Even though I am white and look white, I often find myself feeling isolated looking around classrooms, or dining halls, or really in general. Like I said I haven’t experienced racism, but I also don’t necessarily feel like I fit in. This is something many multi racial individuals experience, feeling like you cannot identify with any specific racial group. This has been difficult for me throughout the entirety of my life, because while I am asian, I don’t feel that I belong or am accepted. And while I am white, I feel a disconnect. Many of these things I have experienced throughout my first years of college, made me more aware of how there are probably other people who feel the same way.
I haven’t openly spoken with anyone around me about the things like: feelings of isolation, or feelings of gender discrimination in the classroom, or feelings of not fitting in. I am sure that so many of us on college campuses deal with these and other various issues, and don’t feel comfortable enough to express them with new friends, or professors, or really anyone. I created this platform as one for people to openly talk about their experiences, whether that be anonymously or publicly. This platform is intended for people who feel the effects of having a marginalized identity, and deal with these emotions and experiences by themselves. I can guarantee that you are not alone, and this platform should hopefully serve as a reminder that there are other people who have gone through similar experiences. If you have felt confused since being at college, I understand you. If you have felt isolated since being at college, I feel the same way. I, along with many other people have felt and experienced similar things, and hope this letter finds you and reminds you that your feelings, and identities are valid. I stand with you. You are not alone.
With Love,